Sexuality in my 40's

I know a lot of people are shy in regards to this subject, I know it because I am one of them. 

I don't consider myself extremely experienced in that area, but I cannot say I am ignorant either.

My relation with sex changed definitely with time. I was raised in a farm in the center of a catholic town. Sexual education was Taboo to say the least, even now I don't feel comfortable talking with my parents about it. Answers about sex were never looked or found at home. 

When you are young and discovering sex, there is more desire than knowledge. Now -at over 40- I can say is completely the opposite. My first experiences with sex were never amazing but satisfactoriness (I hope my exes don't read this). The knowledge we had came from porn magazines, "women's magazines" and gossip between friends. I didn't really know my body.  I guess it was more reaction, some things felt right, some didn't. Some guys knew how to press the right buttons sometimes...sometimes didn't.

I look back now, and realize I was always kind of passive towards sex. I would do things I knew my partners liked, but I never asked myself if I liked them. I guess in some way I felt obliged to please...and in that pleasing I might or might nor get some pleasure in return. But the focus was never me. I never actively search for my own pleasure. Why didn't I? I ask myself now. I guess the only answer I can find is...I was shy, I was ignorant. I was never taught that we women are equal in sex too; maybe, deep down I thought I was an accessory of the pleasure of my partner, and the fact that a woman seek the act of sex and deserves pleasure too was never well seen or spoken.

In the movies was always the guy who look for the women, it was rarely the opposite. The man are victims of their animal instincts, but not us. We were taught to control ourselves, to not show our desires, to sit down with our legs crossed. Not to dress too provocatively. All those things directly means something very clear, but indirectly, they are telling us that sex is not something for us, but for them. And that, affected my relation with sex for many years. I am not saying it was always bad, but It could have been way better. 

Well, luckily things have changed, we are now in the 21st Century, I have changed too of course. I am experienced.  I know what I like, I know what I didn't, I know what my partner likes too. But the most important thing is: I know my body now. And I am not afraid of exploring it. I know now that I deserve pleasure, I deserve to have an orgasm. It took me many years to accept me, to accept my body, to accept the age, the scars, the new elasticity of my skin. My breast abiding by gravity rules. Cellulitis invading my buttocks. After I had kids my libido went to level minus 25. But I bounced back now, and I am having the time of my life. I learned how to express what I expect from sex, communication is the key, and there is no Taboo, I was always shy about expressing what I wanted, but I finally understood, that we women need to express our desires, whatever they might be... want to see your partner dress as a Roman Gladiator with butterfly wings? Go for it. Do you want to hear the National Anthem of Albania while receiving oral stimulation? who am I to judge? Whatever rocks your boat. Let's have fun, life is too short. 

If you are over 40 like me and reading this, please...start having more fun in bed. It is never too late. Communicate with your partner, or just on your own. Today they are amazing sex toys dedicated for women. We live in a glorious time where women don't hide anymore, we like sex, we like to have amazing, deep and -if possible- multiple orgasms. 


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